Love Amplifier

Moments after my water broke, I sat on the toilet and burst into tears.

What have we done? Will she ever forgive us? How will I love this child as much as I love her?

My husband returned from his call (mobilizing our Code Baby friends) to find me bawling. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered. “You know it will.”

I didn’t. I really didn’t know if I could share my heart with another baby.

~ ~ ~

I was pregnant with my first when a physician I worked with returned from paternity leave. Pleasantries out of the way, I questioned, “Honestly, how is it with two?”

A mess. Chaotic. Wonderful.

“But how does it work? How do you love this one like your first?”

Given to metaphors, he said your heart is a love amplifier. There’s no finite amount of love to share. Miraculously, your ability to love increases.

~ ~ ~

As I sobbed on my toilet, I remembered his words and prayed it would be true for us. Could I love the baby inside me as much as I already loved his sister?


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Sonya Spillmann


  1. My heart was aching and my throat tightening as I read this. You pulled me right into the emotions you were feeling at that time. Just makes me want to hug that precious son of yours really tight, as you reminded me of the true miracle of his life.

  2. I felt exactly the same way giving birth to my second. So thankful the Lord gave us the ability to love so many people. Didn’t know you had such a difficult birth story. So glad for the happy ending!

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