Let Them See You — Coffee + Crumbs —

“I know it’s a short season, but I feel invisible.
Lost. Like no one sees or knows who I really am.”
(Variations of this entry can be found periodically in journals
I’ve kept through the years after I became a mother.)

***

Bedtime was imminent and Chris was on bath duty. Hallelujah. I had my earbuds in, the water turned to hot, and the volume up to Loud. I hate doing dishes; techno at max volume helps. My hips started to move with the music and I shot a look to the window, just to check that the blinds were closed. Then, disturbing my soapy trance, my daughter, Nadia, tapped me on the shoulder. I dried my hands on my yoga pants and pulled the bud out of my ear with a smile. “Yeah, honey?”

What are you doing?” she asked.

“The dishes,” I laughed, with a glance at the sink. What does it look like?

“It looks like you’re dancing,” my son said, who stood behind her.

“Well, yeah. I guess I’m dancing too.”

I looked at his face, then to hers. They started giggling, as if I were a kid they caught drawing on the walls or sneaking candy.

What? What’s wrong with that? I like to dance!” I scooped them into a bear hug and swayed back and forth until they started to squirm. “I love you,” I said, placing kisses on their smooth cheeks and that fuzzy line where their hair meets their forehead. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mom,” they replied in unison.

Two days later, after a particularly hard day, I retreated to the back room of our basement while Chris finished up the bedtime routine. I pulled out a canvas and paints I purchased — almost two years ago — during a rush of inspiration and impulse: I’m going to start painting again! I opened each color with reverence: red (my favorite), blue, black, white, green and took a deep restoring breath.

 

To read the rest of the essay, click Here. 

 

{{ and don’t forget, Coffee+Crumbs now has a book! It’s PERFECT for young moms … think baby shower, Mother’s Day, or just a random act of kindness and encouragement! }}

 

 

.

Sonya Spillmann

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *